Living on the edge of a tornado

The Truth.  Our Truth.

This is Oklahoma. We have tornados..lots of them! Tornados form from an extreme struggle between warm and cold air. We all sit on our porch and watch if there is any light left in the sky. There is usually not much warning beforehand except maybe a slight suspicion.

I often feel that way about our life right now.  A lot of you may not know we have this major joy and this major crisis going on at the same time.  The two don't go together at all.  In fact there are moments that I have found myself lost at which emotion to feel.  And that brings me to the feet of Jesus.  Sunday I felt like I sat through a funeral during the service I was a mess of tears and it was Mother's Day which probably didn't help.

Our pastor talked about adversity.  Summed up: "Trust God and follow the plan"

We are holding onto each other and praying for enough grace to make it through each day.  We are praying that our questions of why this, why now, why us, and how long will this last bring us closer to trusting God.  I have found that at times I'm standing on the facts that I believe with all my heart because my feelings make me feel un-cared for by him and I KNOW the FACTS that this is NOT true.  I don't often think of the "father of lies" but I KNOW he exists and I don't doubt for a second he is on the edge of our minds looking for a crack to enter our thoughts and feed on the doubt that could devastate us.

Here is the thing the plan, God's plan is for us to adopt a 4 year old girl no matter what our circumstances say.  And we have been well prepared that adoption is a life long battle against our child's history, her beginnings.  And we are about to face it head on and what Satan would use as a playground to wreck this child's life.  God is sending us to rescue her; to breathe life into a child neglected and abandoned who without us would spend her whole life in an institution never to be introduced to the Lord who Loves her.  We are obeying the call to adopt her, to love her, to redeem her life, to tell her she is worthy of love and grace, to make her our daughter, to graft her in to our family tree.  That doesn't sit well with Satan I'm sure.  This is NOT going to be easy.  The War for her is real.  And so we stand with Christ.  In the midst of a job crisis.  Truly depending on God for our future, for grace for each other, for enough love and forgiveness to last each day, for enough money to survive this layoff, for a new career for Grant,  for the parenting wisdom to teach the child who was sent to the principle's office for hitting today, for the strength to outlast the "next" thing thrown on our plate.

If you want to know how to pray for us:

Pray for a job offer.

Pray that we trust God despite our circumstances.

Pray for Caroline.  She is about to be uprooted from EVERYTHING she has ever known.  Pray that the nannies prepare her for the transition.  But really she has no concept of family so there isn't much they can do.

Pray for me.  I might not be her favorite (this is typical I've heard) in fact she may have nothing to do with me for days.  If this happens it will be hard.  REAL hard.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge to him, and he will direct your path." Proverbs 3: 5-6

Updated picture of Caroline taken a few weeks ago...

Daisy Blaze

This is our rescued red eared slider turtle named Daisy Blaze.

It was going to be a week long pet until Luke kept trying to pick it up and Daisy tried to bite his finger off. So we released him into the "wild".

Me and my kids

I don't take nearly enough pictures with my kids but this time they were on the mood😉
We were in the process of sorting out the garage sale donations. The kids want to keep it all...everything is treasure! 

Mary the Mother of Jesus

As of lately I haven't been all that diligent to read my grown up Bible.  But I have been faithful to read three stories from three different Children's Bibles every night.  I confess I often thought these Bibles teach the stories but grown up Bible make the impact.  But I was so wrong!  The Bible is living and if you let it will come alive to you no matter the version Baby, Kid, or Grown UP.

Reading Jack's Bible one evening this week I read the story of Mary and Joseph and their trip to Bethlehem.  It is the exact same one I've read for years to the kids.  But that night the thing that changed was my circumstances and my perspective.

I've NEVER connected my life to Mary's life.  I have always appreciated her willingness to live her calling but I failed to see how my life could compare to hers.  Until that night when I read, "look at the people on the road to Bethlehem. They were on the way to be counted and they were unhappy. They were mad and angry at the king and the grumbled and frowned as they walked. But do you see that one happy couple, if they were mad at the king their faces didn't show it. ".  All of a sudden I saw it.  It was a clear as clear could be.

Let me fill some of you in a little....  We are in the midst of an international adoption.  Grant got laid off a month ago.  My income was slowing down and supposed to come to a close when the kids were out of school mid May.  Before this we had a plan,  Grant had saved 5 weeks of vacation.  One for the beach trip to celebrate my parents 40th anniversary at the beginning of June, and at least 2 weeks for the trip to get Caroline, and extra "just in case" time for sleep deprivation with a new toddler and jet lag.  We had the money all planned out too.

Then Grant came home one afternoon to tell me that was his last day.  We assumed he would get something in the next few weeks.  Little did we know there are application weeks, then interview weeks,  now we are praying for the right offer....  As the weeks grew into a month I found myself starting to stress and the desire to complain to God has risen from somewhere.  Not to mention a mysterious case of hives from an allergic reaction that has me physically tortured as only an insatiable itch can provide.

Then I read that simple story that I knew by heart.  Look at the people on the way to Bethlehem, they were mad and grumpy to be going...except for that one couple.  Why were they so happy?

If ever anyone had the right to be stressed and complain it was Mary.  She didn't sign up for this gig.  It was God's idea.  So was Caroline.  Over the course of months Mary had probably come up with a plan.  I did.  Circumstances out of her control changed her plans.  Ours too.  Of all people I would think God would protect from life's circumstances it would be the Mom of his own Son. That is at least what I thought about our adoption. God gave us the dream of our daughter and so far everything has gone as planned. Until now, the last month; which I imagine is what Mary thought too.

So now we get the choice to be one of the grumpy people on the road...or like the description of Mary and Joesph choosing joy in the moment of trial and the unknown.  So Grant and I pray that God will give us the ability to trust HIM beyond our human ability to trust and that we will choose joy over worry throughout each day as long as this "jobless stage" goes on.  Because at the end of this it is all about a child who needs a family that will follow Jesus joyfully no matter what even when the road is rocky. God never promised if we follow Him the road would be flat and easy but He did promise He would be there with us on the journey on which He has called us.

Fast forward 3 weeks as I have mediated and just soaked all this revelation in for myself.  I always held on the fact that God would provide I just didn't know when or how.  I'm a planner, not overly organized but I like a general plan.  Up until the last week did I finally give even that control over to God.  I could make a plan any plan and I was just going to have to be ok with that.

Probably thankful just to stop, for contractions to be over, to be alive and for her baby to be alive, Mary probably at that moment didn't care where she was or that there was a plan.  Things just fell into place and out of blue without announcement three rich guys found them and gave them lavish gifts to provide for their next journey.

Tuesday, 2 weeks and 1 day before we hold our child in our arms, God provided.  Out of the blue he provided.  Grant got a phone call, an interview 3 hours later, and a contract job offer that will take care of our immediate needs.  This job may turn into a full time salary position but only God knows.  One day at a time.  He sees the big picture and where our journey lies...if we continue to trust Him and obey.  I bet it leads somewhere awesome and totally unexpected.  Or we can plan our way and play it safe.

Looking forward to holding little Miss Awesome, God's plan for our life in 10 days!!!

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